No Name # 2 - Elliott Smith-

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Concrete hands picked up the telephone ring
"Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No, and I don't care who"

She whispered quiet terror news
He didn't give a hoot
Said "do what you have to do"

All she had to do was speak
Mouthpiece to cheek
"Please say no more"
"I'm lying here on the ground

A strip of wet concrete"
Her name was just a broken sound
A stutter step you hear when you're falling down

Killing time won't stop this crime
Killing time won't stop this crime
Killing time won't stop this crime

You better start watching what message that you send now
No more situations I only go in to be kicked out
He got knocked down leaving like he ran into a clothesline
And remembered a couple of words that hid a crime

"You're just fine
You'll be just fine
But I'm on the other line"

Killing time won't stop this crime
Killing time won't stop this crime
Killing time won't stop this crime



END LYRICS


I guess I can relate, though I have a name. I don't remember who gave it to me.

My sister called me Jen (I spell it Gen now...seems more edgy) she told people I was her imaginary friend.

I don't fucking care, She can say whatever she wants, I'm still all she's got. Her girlfriend was jealous of me- HA. Maybe she was a little afraid of me too- HAHA. When she goes out with my sister, I imagine stomping her face in with my platforms. I hate her, my sister's stupid for liking her. She wears the most horrible clothes...

That was so long ago, but it feels like yesterday. Anyways, that's the story of my name.

I imagine my boyfriend saying it, but he never says it.
START LYRICS

Now this is what it's like when worlds collide
Now this is what it's like....

Starfuckers
Starfuckers
Starfuckers incorporated


END LYRICS


Kyle said these were our songs. I felt proud that we had a song, "our song". It had a nice ring to it.

Later I combed through them, trying to analyze what about these songs reminded him of me. Neither of them were romantic?

They are kind of badass songs. I feel like I'm driving fast in a car when I hear them. I'm wearing like this leather jacket. Kyle must be like waaay smarter about these things than I am.

Still, I have this feeling in my stomach, like I'm falling. He says he loves me, but that's not good enough, I can't hold onto that. These songs aren't enough to work with, I can't crack their code.

I'll ask him.

I ask him, and ask him, and ask him. His face looks like it's bruised every time, but he doesn't say anything.

In the meantime, I have to fuck him. Like, every second. Everytime he plays videogames or hangs out with his mom or his friends, I feel like my head is going to explode. There's no other way.

"Come *on* Kyle...." I say in that way, grabbing his arm. It makes me feel good that he can't resist me. His mom cuts me a look but I don't know what it means.

We go to his room. The air looks green because that's the color I associate with Kyle, it's kind of a yellowy-neon green, static. I push him on the bed, he falls over like a light, stiff board. Pulls me on top then tumbles me over to the bottom, like usual. He turns on the stereo with one finger, a Green Day album. I'm close to memorizing all the songs. I look at the ceiling the whole time. I don't feel anything going on down there but a sick wet feeling. I don't even know if he's using a condom. I'm on birth control.

It's over, he's back to video games. I confront him again

"Why do you love me?" I'm nagging him, not backing down this time. I make him look at me.

"You were my first....You're a goddess. I worship you, ok?"

He bursts into tears.

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